Am I Enough?
Among my clients, I find this to be a relatively frequent theme. And it is not surprising: in our society of super-achievers who are expected to multi-task 24/7, we are always on, always wondering what we forgot to do, or should be doing, always questioning and doubting ourselves, hence only strengthening the self-doubt: Am I Enough?
Am I enough of a partner, spouse, daughter, son, mother, father, friend, individual contributor at the office, team leader, manager, CEO, pet owner, or plant owner? Am I enough or should I be and do more?
In today’s world of perfect and glamorous social media posts it is so easy to fall into a rabbit hole of comparing our regular and sometimes (just a little) boring, or often so very hectic lives, and be envious (just a little – or a lot!) of the others, who travel to exotic locations, have perfectly clean and adorable children, and oh so well groomed and well behaved pets, have achieved higher positions in their organizations, or appear so glamorously carefree, and whose lives seem so great, compared to ours.
Next time you have this questioning thought – stop right there.
Catch yourself thinking this. Catch yourself wondering – but I work so hard, I do so much, why is this person’s life better than mine?
Let me tell you. Mostly, it’s not. Really.
You own your life. You are in charge of your life. Your relationships with your spouse, or partner. With your children, and your parents. And most importantly, your relationship with yourself. You are in charge of your career path and choices you have made, and will make, every day. You choose your friends. Each of them.
The pictures and posts that you see of others, they are just that. They are pictures and posts. Snapshots of brief moments in time of someone else’s life.
So my message to you is: live your life. Not someone else’s. Don’t let their pictures and posts take away from your own life. Maybe they can inspire you. But mostly – they are for the person who posted them. They are memories of one instant of their day, in their life.
We need to stop and take stock of how much we have, how much we do, how much we have done already, for ourselves and for others. Take stock of that. Own it.
We need to remind ourselves regularly to look in the mirror, at the end of a long tiring day, when the kids are in bed, or the dog has been walked, or you came back from an after-work workout at the gym, or from a business trip, and say to yourself,
“I am doing the best I can.”
“I am a worthy person”.
“I am proud of myself”.
“I respect myself”.
“I am Enough”.
-Rimma Gofman, LMFT